It’s widely known that the video game space can be toxic. Competitive trash talking, offensive language, griefing (playing disruptively) and other anti-social behaviors can be found even in cozy (non-violent, relaxing) games. Your CTKid can run into aggressive players and stressful game environments anywhere.
How do you want him to respond to the anger, vitriol, and worse that may come his way online? Ratchet it up? Be a victim? Ignore it? The Bible offers a concept for dealing with the more moderately difficult players, and it may seem paradoxical. That is, “the way to deal with an enemy is to do him good.”
What is to Heap Burning Coals?
Proverbs says: “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.”
To heap burning coals is a concept that has an ancient context but could be adapted by your wise CTKid today. It is used to emotionally or morally disarm an opponent in a way approved—and rewarded!—by God.
To heap burning coals is obviously not about causing physical pain in a virtual world. It’s done when you offer to an opponent an aw-shucks kindness which then makes them feel remorse or even shame for their bad behavior. Basically, you were so nice it couldn’t be ignored, and it stops them cold. [Some of the worst “griefers” who particularly and intentionally harass other players may resist this technique.]
If your very competitive, gaming CTKid has never considered “killing them with kindness,” this could be an especially instructive story to augment his social and moral arsenal. Just as reading classical literature has a way of teaching us about our humanity, referencing Bible concepts can open your CTKids’ mind to alternative approaches when dealing with players online.
There is a game reward to employing this effort. It comes when your CTKid is being that nice to someone in a video game, and it throws off their opponent—causing them to tilt and have a mental boom. This then gives your CTKid a game advantage.
How to Heap Burning Coals
Say your CTKid is playing League of Legends where his 5-man team is battling another to destroy the enemy’s base. Simultaneously, in the chat, players are verbally sparring and adding psychological tension to the game. Then your CTKid gets attacked, thwarted or killed in battle.
He may want to lash out in response. Instead, he can heap burning coals on his opponent’s head. In other words, he can respond magnanimously. A response like, “Aw shucks, you got me! Well, this is just a game anyway. And hey, we’re all just here to have a good time.” Or, lightly, “I hate to lose/die, but it was still a good game. Way to go!”
Will It Heat Up or Cool Down the Room?
Your CTKid’s response (just described) will often throw off the other player, because the competitive veneer has been punctured. Two things will happen. His opponent will either become more toxic or less toxic during the remaining gameplay.
MORE TOXIC. The opponent may lash out further, mouthing off in the chat, unaware that Kingdom Does Come. Perhaps they’re more bold and arrogant, responding from an unenlightened instinct of sorts and not moral human kindness. Even, much more dramatically, like non-Christlike beasts.
If you share the last linked quote with your CTKid, he will be intrigued by the intensity, no doubt (interested and intrigued by the Bible!). And you will remind him that human nature hasn’t changed. God hasn’t changed the human blueprint. Kids taunted verbally and smacked opponents with a hyssop stick in ancient times. They taunt or pick fights in League of Legends now.
LESS TOXIC. The opponent may ’tilt’ by the generous response. He wasn’t expecting that acceptance. He suddenly feels hope in humanity. And then he has a ‘mental boom’—his fight has left him. In this case your CTKid, through their intentional kindness, may have unintentionally stymied their competitor’s resolve to win at all costs and emotionally disarmed them.
The biblical purpose to “heap burning coals” is to help your adversary to repent and find God. Your CTKid can use it to mitigate an opponent’s bad behavior and bring a more godly tenor to the game.
And he can know that God, according to Proverbs 25:22, will reward him for it. And by steeping him in the Word, you have done your part.
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Note: Other relevant references are Ephesians 4:29 (avoiding unwholesome talk); 2 Kings 6:21-23 (Elisha’s example); Romans 12:9-21 (overcome evil with good); Matthew 5:39 (turn the other cheek).